


Control

by ViiA01



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dark Namizake Minato, F/M, Power Imbalance, Yandere, sorta time travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-07-10 15:41:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19908130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViiA01/pseuds/ViiA01
Summary: THIS STORY WILL NOT BE FINISHED OR UPDATED. I will leave it up so people can reread but if people keep asking me to finish it, I will remove it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am not finishing or updating this story. I cannot write something that glorifies abuse.
> 
> DO NOT ASK ME TO FINISH IT ANYMORE or I will take it down.

Control

Sakura keeps her distance with Minato as best she can. Naruto is a force of nature no one can resist, and she often finds herself dragged to the blond’s house against her will.

While they are children, the resemblance is barely there. Hana’s body had been blonde as a child, her hair only darkening to pink as Sakura replaced her fully. But there was no denying the colour of her eyes.

It is when Sakura is sixteen that he begins to look at her strangely. There was no denying that her skills were almost a mirror image of Hana’s, if more powerful and refined now that she had more time to train.

Sakura is careful to keep her distance around Minato from then. The resemblance between her and the woman he knew as Hana was far too stark for him to miss and she knew he had to have looked into her background. She wondered if he thought her a relative of Hana’s or just a coincidence.

Either way, she was carefully distant and polite around him, scampering off whenever he came too close or playing the role of shy little girl.

She knew he was suspicious of her. He asked carefully veiled questions about her family, did her mother have any siblings? What about her father? And her extended family, what about them?

Sakura told him the truth. Her mother and father were only children and any family they had, had been scattered by the warring era and the Uchiha and Senju clans taking their land. She saw the frustration in his posture at her replies, knew he was angling to see if Hana had been a relative of hers, a cousin or a sister or something.

He sometimes dropped hints about her parents, that he might like to meet them one day. Sakura knew exactly what he was looking for. He was looking to see if there was any Hana in their faces, or if they were hiding something.

They weren’t. And Sakura could see his confusion grow at their cheerful demeanour and honest earnestness. Sakura had her mother’s green eyes, her father’s hair, but physically, they couldn’t be more different. She half expected another joke about being adopted, but instead, Minato just smiled, a fake thing that looked real enough.

She knew that he was looking for answers and often saw him watching her when Team 7 trained together. She was careful then, careful to reign in her true skill, hide the techniques she had learnt with him and instead fall back on her strength and genjutsu.

She slipped once.

Naruto had come at her with a Rasengan and she had reacted without thinking, vanishing into the cracked earth in a technique that she had learnt with Minato.

The very next day, Minato had asked her about the person who had taught her such a move and she’d babbled something stupid about reading a scroll. He had stared at her for a long time until Kakashi laughed and said that only Sakura would learn a jutsu that useful from reading, and rubbed her head violently.

It had broken the awkward tension in the room and Sakura resolved to be more careful from then on.

As she got older, she made sure to keep her hair short. ‘Hana’ had always kept hers long, had cared for it religiously, even on the battlefield. Sakura kept her hair short, and wore her headband as she had always done, in her hair.

‘Hana’ had worn her headband around her forehead, something Sakura had done simply to hide her Yin Seal.

She slipped again.

They were being extracted from a two-month mission gone wrong. Naruto was out of commission and Sasuke was barely holding it together. Sakura’s hair had grown long over the two months, an infiltration and assassination mission. Covered in sweat and blood, the long strands kept sticking to her forehead and irritating her eyes.

As she was healing Naruto, it kept falling and she had torn her headband out angrily and slapped it around her forehead. The fabric was just thick enough to keep the long, bloody strands from her eyes and she could focus.

The sons of Uchiha Fugaku and the Yondaime Hokage and the honoured apprentice of a Sannin enough to warrant a full squad of eight. Minato had met them at the gate and done a visible double take at her.

It was only after Kakashi-sensei had unwound her headband from her forehead that Sakura realised what it must have looked like. Her sensei had never said a word about her resemblance to the woman who had occasionally showed up to take his sensei away for sensitive missions, but sometimes, sometimes, he watched her with sad, lonely eyes.

Minato though, had known ‘Hana’ much more intimately, had grown up with her, been in a war with her. And when he visited in hospital, Naruto at his side, Sakura had been grateful for Sasuke and Izumi’s presence in the room.

His eyes were no less piercing with age, perhaps even more so now that he had settled into his role.

When Sakura was discharged from the hospital, she found a blood comparison request on Lady Tsunade’s desk.

A vial of her own blood and an older vial simply labelled M.H.

Miyou Hana. The Hokage’s long dead, former genin teammate.

Sakura tipped the blood down the sink and cleaned the lab so thoroughly Ino whined about the stink of bleach. Then Sakura destroyed the old, emptied vial, and knocked the new one onto the ground. She smashed a second over it, as if they had just fallen off by accident.

And when Tsunade asked whether Sakura had accidentally knocked anything off her desk, Sakura feigned ignorance and instead teased her mentor, just enough to distract the blonde. Sakura had made herself scarce when Tsunade had told Minato, but Sakura had heard about the fallout soon enough.

Minato was furious, and even Kakashi-sensei avoided him.

Sakura let things lie for a few months, until Minato’s rage had subsided into resigned exhaustion.

Then she broke into the records room at the hospital and destroyed any mention of Miyou Hana. She was careful to make it look like a break-in, destroying other non-essential and retired files indiscriminately. After that, she hunted down any last biological trace of ‘Hana’ and destroyed those as well, covering her tracks to make it look like the samples had simply degraded over time.

The breach had been enough to put the village on high alert. Minato’s foul mood returned, and Naruto whinged about it, complaining to a long-suffering Sasuke and a guilty Sakura about his short temper and the fact that he didn’t come for dinner anymore.

Minato watched her with hawkish attention now, but Sakura did her best to play her role as a good, ignorant little Jonin. She smiled and argued with Naruto and Sasuke, pestered Kakashi-sensei, swooned with Ino and Tenten about the handsome shinobi visiting from Kumo. She even went to Minato, asking him for advice on her skills, as if she was just his son’s teammate.

Minato’s eyes grew a little less sharp during mission briefings.

Until she slipped again.

Minato had been invited to Kumo for a summit with the other four Kage. Kumo was chosen for its large plains and intersection with each of the other four great nations.

The summit went south quickly, Iwa was still smarting over the strong alliance between Suna and Konoha, and their own failure to secure the Raikage or the Mizukage as an ally. The Raikage’s deciding vote that the Chunin Exams should be held in Suna and not Iwa, had been the last straw.

Iwa had attacked, and Minato hit with a slow acting toxin. The toxin, if left untreated, would slowly paralyse the victim, forcing them to live out the rest of their days trapped in their own mind. A cruel jab at the speed that Minato was so well known for.

Sakura was called from the village, escorted by the Hokage’s own student, Uchiha Itachi. She had arrived only two days after Minato had collapsed, seen Gaara’s white face. The famous Sand Siblings themselves, minus Temari, stood guard at Minato’s door, alongside Kakashi-sensei and Chouza. The other two ANBU that normally shadowed the Hokage were missing.

Sakura knew where they were.

If there was any Iwa shinobi still in the lightning country, they would soon be dead.

The Raikage was furious, predictably, and attack on his own soil made him look weak and threw his own allegiances into question. The Mizukage just watched everything with narrow eyes.

“He called for you specifically.” Itachi said quietly, pushing open the door to Minato’s room.

Sakura had gotten to work immediately. The Raikage’s personal medic was there as well, a sharp, talented man called C. He had fallen in behind Sakura, following her orders without question.

Warm water. Towels.

That was all Sakura needed to begin.

The first extraction had made Minato scream and Sakura clenched her jaw. The nurses in the small, rural hospital had looked horrified. But C had understood immediately. Sakura had pioneered the technique after all, and he stepped in when the nurses faltered in holding Minato down.

The fourth time Sakura made to extract the toxin, Minato had woken up. He grabbed her wrist, tugging her to him, eyes wide and clear on her face.

“Hana.” He said. “Hana.”

Sakura couldn’t help the spasm in her arm at the plea. It had sounded so much like the one he had cried out when she had died, trapped under all those rocks.

Sakura told everyone he was delirious and to hold him still for her.

Minato looked betrayed, face furious as the nurses in the room did as she said.

“Hana, _please_.”

Someone asked who Hana was. Sakura pretended not to know, ignoring Minato’s desperate eyes. She looked away from his face, commanding C to strap him down.

She worked through the night to save him, straining even her considerable control to the breaking point as she repaired all the damage. Finally, Kakashi-sensei had pulled her away, face kind.

“He’s as healed as he’ll ever be.” He said quietly. “You did good, kid.”

She waited out the rest of the summit with shaking hands and her heart in her throat. Thankfully, the attack had left the Mizukage and Raikage understandably spooked, and they were both eager to hash out new treaties and alliances.

It kept Minato busy, despite recovering, and Sakura was thankful for that.

When he had woken, grabbed her arm, and looked at her with those piercing blue eyes, Sakura’s heart had gone cold.

He knew.

Somehow, someway, he knew.

On one quiet evening, when Sakura had shot out of their accommodations before Minato could arrive back, Gaara found her and asked if she might think about coming to Suna as a medical advisor. He said, mistaking her stiffness for nervousness, that she would have room and board and a generous salary.

Sakura had been more than happy to agree.

Suna was known for their excellent poison department, not their flourishing medical techniques. Sakura knew what Gaara was asking.

Minato’s face had looked like thunder when the younger Kage had asked for permission. But Sakura knew that he would not refuse Gaara, not in front of the keen eyes of Kakashi-sensei, who looked pleased as punch at the honour.

So, he said yes.

And when the summit was over, Sakura ran with the Suna shinobi instead, past the road that would take her back to Konoha and instead into the desert.

She stayed away for two years.

Naruto wrote to her sporadically, long rambling letters about the goings on in the village. Shikamaru and Ino had broken up again, Neji had caught Kiba scuttling out of the Hyuga compound at five am, Asuma and Kurenai had eloped, to the shock and horror of the council, and Naruto’s glee. He only mentioned his father a few times, confiding in her that Minato was overworking himself, withdrawn and barely coming home at night. Naruto was understandably worried, asking for her advice on how to help his father, of remedies and teas he could take Minato to help him sleep and relax.

Surprisingly though, it was Sasuke who wrote to her most often. His letters were short, to the point, just like he was. But the fact that he even bothered touched Sakura more than she could admit, and the first time she had gotten a letter addressed to her in his neat, matter of fact script, she had cried.

After all, all she had done, everything she had given up, had been for him.

They were only a few sentences. Shisui had finally agreed to help with his genjutsu. Itachi and Izumi were thinking about getting married. Naruto was still an idiot.

His inquiries after her health were a bit awkward, and very short.

But it was Sasuke. And she didn’t expect more.

She kept his letters in her pouch, where they would be safe, and sometimes, when she was homesick, she pulled them out to read.

For a time, things seemed almost normal. Naruto sometimes sent her packets of exotic ramen flavours, and Sasuke’s letters stayed short and to the point. Temari dragged her out into the village, showing her all of the unique sights Suna had to offer, showing her the best hole in the wall restaurants, the shopping district.

As time wore on, Sakura was sure that Minato had forgotten about her reaction to him.

But that hope was dashed when she got an official summons from Minato.

The letter had been sealed with his personal seal, not the Hokage’s, and Sakura knew that he hadn’t forgotten.

She dragged her feet returning from Suna, making excuses to stay longer until Temari chased her out of the hospital, laughing. Gaara insisted on a team escorting her to the border, reluctant to let anything to happen to her, a dear friend.

“Besides, Naruto would be insufferable if something happened.” He said dryly, handing her a little white and seafoam green scroll stamped with his insignia. Sakura knew immediately it was for Naruto. She wasn’t quite sure what was going on between the two Jinchuuriki, but it was rather cute. Even if neither of them really fit the description of ‘cute’.

When the Suna team left her at the border, Sakura delayed even further, a cold feeling starting in her stomach the closer she got to home. She hoped that the summons were simply because her mission had run over by a full year, and not because Minato had figured her out.

The scroll in her pouch, stamped with the gold Namikaze symbol reminded her otherwise.

He was in the welcoming party that met her at the gates. All smiles and holding a cheerful sign in Hinata’s handwriting.

But his eyes were stormy and dark when she met them.

“Sakura!” Ino and Naruto cried in unison, bounding forward to hug her. Sasuke followed a step behind, face soft with a smile as he touched her arm, and Hinata beamed, face red and sleeves covering her hands as she asked if Sakura’s trip had been nice.

Kakashi-sensei had shown up, late, of course. He had ruffled her hair and loudly told her she was too pretty for her own good now, and what were these freckles, hm?

Minato had waved them away with a smile, pleading off with an excuse of paperwork and leaving the group at Ichiraku ramen.

Sakura knew that he would call for her soon enough.

And the beaver masked ANBU appeared on her doorstep at nine pm sharp, ordering her to his office immediately.

Sakura felt sick, clutching her mission scroll as well as the well wishes Gaara had given her.

The Hokage tower was quiet, everyone having gone home for the night and Sakura knew that was why he’d done it. Less chance for someone to barge in and interrupt, less chance of her using other people as a distraction to get away.

His office was bright and cold when she walked in. The door closed behind her with a click.

“Your trip back was uneventful, I take it?” He said in lieu of greeting.

Sakura nodded, trying to smile and failing miserably. She set the two scrolls on the desk. “Suna’s hospital is running well.”

“Hm.” He wrote something down, not looking at her. “And their training? Will they be good enough to support a talent exchange program next year?”

Sakura relaxed slightly. This she knew. “Yes, I believe so Lord Hokage-”

She saw him twitch but hurried on nonetheless.

“- They’re small, but hard working. I believe that both countries would benefit from an exchange program. Our poison department will do well if we can have a few specialists work with them. Ino would be a good candidate.”

He looked up then, setting down his pen. Sakura’s heart sank as he made a single sign and the privacy seals in his office flared for a moment. The windows flashed and then grew opaque and there was a heavy pressure on the back of her skull for a moment as the silencing seals took effect.

The room was silent for a long time, him staring at her with those eyes that saw through her, no matter how hard she tried to hide herself. Finally, he tossed something onto the desk with a clang.

“You know, I thought it was just gods way of punishing me when you looked just like Hana, the same eyes, the same hair, the same smile.” Minato said, voice tight.

Sakura stared at her old headband with a clenched jaw. The day before she had died as Hana, Sakura had buried her headband. While she yearned to return to her own time, with her own friends, she had grown to love the younger, smaller Konoha, and burying the headband had felt like she was burying Hana too, returning backing to being Sakura.

When she was Sakura again, she had gone back to the spot in the training grounds, where she and Minato and Ryusei had spent hours chasing Jiraiya around.

While that part of her life was finished, Sakura still had those memories, and to remind herself why she had done what she had, she had dug it back up, and locked it in a box in her room.

“I thought someone was laughing at me when you decided to become a medic.”

Sakura wanted to leave. This was exactly the conversation she didn’t want to have with Minato. When it came to matters of the heart, Sakura wasn’t a brave Konoha kunoichi, but a cowardly little girl who ran and cried.

“For a long time,” Minato said quietly. “I thought that you might be Hana’s last gift to me, but the ages didn’t match up.” He looked terrible, face drawn and pale. “I thought maybe a relative, a distant cousin, anything.”

“So, I requested a comparison between your blood and hers.” His eyes were sharp as he stared at her. “Only to have the vial to fall from Tsunade’s desk and only a few months later, the records department was ransacked and everything relating to Hana destroyed.”

“An accident.” Sakura whispered, looking anywhere but him.

“An accident.” He agreed quietly. “But after that, you avoided me like the plague, you flinched when I came into the room, looked away every time there was a mission briefing.”

Sakura felt a bit sick.

“If you hadn’t done those things, I might have written it off as a bad coincidence, gods joke to drive me insane.” He said, voice carefully practiced calm. “But you did. And then Iwa tried to kill me.”

He was angry.

Sakura flinched, remembering his too pale face and ragged breathing as she had worked through the night to stabilise him. She had never seen Minato that vulnerable and it had torn at her to see him lying in the Kumo hospital.

“And I called you Hana and you reacted. You looked at me like she used to, when I did something stupid and she had to fix it.” He continued, rising slowly. He touched the headband fleetingly, brushing his fingers over the metal before he threw it at her.

She caught it automatically.

“I found that in your room.” He said.

She clutched the headband tightly, body coiled like a spring.

“Do you know that the seals for Hirashin never disappear once marked?” He commented idly.

Sakura blinked, confused.

And then reared back when he appeared in front of her. His eyes were burning as he glared down at her. He took her hands in his and flipped the headband over, just in time for her to see his seal, the one he had placed all those years ago, fade from view.

Sakura had nothing to say to him.

“I thought you hated liars.” He snarled.

“I didn’t lie!” She shot back without thinking and then stiffened at the triumphant look in his eyes.

 _Caught you_ , they said.

There was a beat of silence in his office.

Sakura bolted.

She flung the headband at Minato’s face and sprinted for the door. He caught her as her hand was on the handle, slamming her up against the door hard enough to push the air from her lungs. He twisted her wrist up into the small of her back, kunai at her neck.

“No. More. Running.” He snarled. “You lied to me.”

Sakura squirmed as he crowded closer. He smelled as he had always done, of sandalwood and iron. “I _didn’t lie_.” She repeated, hating the quiver in her voice. “I just-”

“You are her, aren’t you?” He demanded, moving closer, chest pressing against her back, pushing her further into the door. “ _Aren’t you_!?” He repeated, louder, more insistent.

Sakura sagged against the door, letting her forehead hit the heavy wood with a _thunk_. She couldn’t get away from him. He was far, far too fast for her to outrun, and besides, where would she go? Out of the village? Become a fugitive? “Lord Hokage-” She tried.

The tip of his kunai pressed on the sensitive skin under her jaw warningly.

Sakura swallowed.

She pressed her forehead harder against the cool wood of the door. Biting her lip, she remembered his stricken face when she told him there was someone else, that she would never love him.

And there was. She had agreed to go back, knowing it would change everything, knowing that she might fail. But everything she did, it was all for Sasuke. It was _always_ Sasuke.

But she had loved Minato. That, she had lied about.

He shook her a little. “ ** _Answer_** _me_.” He demanded, voice growing louder and more insistent with desperation and hurt.

“I…” Sakura sagged. What else could she do but tell the truth? “Yes.”

His hand tightened to the point of pain. “You…”

Sakura drew chakra to her first, his grip now bruising on her wrist. She didn’t think he realised how hard he was holding her, but she also didn’t feel like standing here like a lemming.

It didn’t matter, because he let go of her abruptly, almost shoving away from her in his rage. “All this time.” He hissed. “All this time, and you never even said a single word to me. Not one.” He accused, voice ragged.

Sakura rubbed her wrist, healing the red mark he had left behind, turning as she did so. She had never seen Minato this angry before.

His chest was heaving, and his eyes were bright with hurt and anger. Like this, with no trace of the jovial man he normally was, it reminded her of their missions during the war. But even then, he had never directed such a cold look at her.

“I…”

“How?” He demanded harshly, knuckles white around his kunai.

“Minato-”

“How!?” He said over her.

Sakura looked away. His eyes were too bright, too knowing. He always could see straight through her. “We were at war. We were losing- we had lost. Someone offered a chance to make things right.” She said stiffly.

Death hadn’t told her not to tell anyone, but Sakura had kept her mouth shut anyway.

“I took it. And when my job was done… it sent me home.” Sakura said quietly. Saying out loud, made it sound so simple, like just another mission her Hokage had sent her on.

Minato’s jaw was tight, sharp. It made Sakura realise that he had lost weight, leaving him as lean and lithe has he had been on their longer missions during the war. “And that was it.”

“And that was it.” She echoed quietly. “I never meant for… this… to happen.” She said, almost whispering.

“You were never going to tell me, were you?” Minato accused.

Sakura knew he didn’t want an answer. He just wanted to hear her agree. He had already made up his mind. “No.” She answered anyway.

His office was silent for a long time, and not long into that silence, Sakura had to look away. His eyes were too piercing, too hurt for her to meet them.

His computer thrummed quietly in the background, and above them, on the roof, the languid chakra’s of his personal guard.

“Do you know what it did to me after you died?” Minato choked out finally, voice ragged with unshed tears and emotions. “I found you- under all those fucking rocks. You didn’t even know who I was.”

Sakura swallowed at the raw hurt on his face. She didn’t like to see Minato in pain, and she wished with all her heart that things had gone differently. She hadn’t meant to hurt him.

“I had to hold you as you died!” He cried, eyes screwing up in pain. “And I couldn’t do a goddamn thing. All I could was watch.” His voice cracked, and he looked away, swallowing hard.

Sakura was surprised and not to see that he was crying. Her heart ached. Minato didn’t hide his emotions like the Uchiha, but even so, he didn’t often let the hurt come out. “Minato…” She murmured, taking a tiny step forward, tears springing to her own eyes. “I-”

He swallowed. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He begged.

She didn’t know what to say. In her mind, this wouldn’t have happened.

He took a step towards her, and then another, and another. Reaching out, he brushed a shaky hand over her arm, seemingly to reassure himself that she was there. His face creased in pain when he touched her and before Sakura could even think, he swept her into a hug so tight that it took her breath away.

He hugged her like he was afraid she would disappear, arms wrapped tightly around her back, shoulders hunched, and the side of his face pressed against her hair. One of his hands cradled the back of her head, achingly gentle.

Sakura knew she shouldn’t, because what good would it do?

But she couldn’t help it, and as she slipped her arms around him, the tears came out. She pressed her face into his shoulder, sagging against him, just as he did with her. she had been holding on so tight all this time and-

Minato hummed when she hugged him back, the sound rumbling through his chest. “I dreamed about this day for years.” He murmured, voice thick with tears. “How I would do things differently. I wouldn’t let you come with us, would make you stay behind where it was safe.”

Sakura closed her eyes, inhaling the scent of him that was so familiar.

Someone had to die that day. A life, for a life. And Obito needed to live, just a bit longer, just a little while longer so as to avoid being corrupted by Madara’s influence. He had still died with Rin, but this time, as a sweet, brave young man, who had died as a hero, not as a criminal.

“It’s too late for that now.” She said into his white coat.

“I missed you so much.” Minato said again, pulling her even tighter against his chest. Pressed up against him like this, it reminded Sakura of another time, when despite the war, things were infinitely simpler. “We all did.”

Sakura’s guilt came back in full force. But she didn’t know what she could say to him.

Minato didn’t say anything more.

The hug dragged on and Sakura knew enough was enough. This was a different time now, and dredging up old, forgotten memories would do neither of them good. “Minato.” She murmured, unwinding her arms from around him, and pushing on his shoulders gently.

He drew back, but his arms didn’t drop away, instead, they fell to circle her waist. “It’s been twenty three years, Hana-”

“Sakura.” Sakura corrected.

“Can’t you just let me have this?” He asked, begged, as if he hadn’t even heard her speak. “I wanted you, even before you died, and now that I have you back, you’re asking me to let you go-”

Sakura knew she had to end this. Minato was obviously exhausted, wrung out to nothing, and her confession had tipped him over the edge. He needed to rest, space from her, time to get his head around things. “And I made it clear that it wouldn’t work between us.”

Minato let her go, jaw working. “We have another chance, Hana.” He said, expression hard. “I promised you once, that I would give you the world, if you would just let me. Let me do that, please-”

Sakura took a deep, shuddering breath, rubbing her eyes harshly. “Don’t say things like that, Minato.”

“Why not?” He begged. “I waited so long to see you again, and now you’re here- we can-we can-”

“We can what?!” She cried, unable to quell to hot tears that spilled over. “What, Minato? Be in a relationship? Is that what you want? Because I told you, it’s not going to happen. It wasn’t going to happen then, and it isn’t going to happen now. I have someone- and you have…”

His expression shuttered. “Do they really mean that much to you? That you would go back in time to change things for them?”

Sasuke’s smile leapt to her mind. The one from when he was twelve, and they had just captured Tora for the fifth time. He had been happy then, and she would do anything to protect that smile. “…Yes.”

Minato swallowed, backing away a few steps. He put a hand on his desk, as if to steady himself.

Sakura rubbed her eyes again. “I’m going home. You should too.” She said quietly. “Naruto’s really worried about you.”

“But not you, though.” He snapped, and Sakura was shocked by the sudden accusatory tone and angry expression.

Sakura didn’t understand what had gotten into him.

“Dismissed.” He snapped, turning his back on her.

Sakura chewed on her lower lip. Minato was acting erratically, something she had never seen before. He was always so composed and calm. But he had visibly lost weight, was dehydrated, sleep-deprived, running on fumes. “Yes, Lord Hokage.”

His head jerked as if he wanted to look at her, but he didn’t.

Sakura closed the door quietly.

One of his ANBU was outside the door.

“Jonin Haruno.” He said, Snake mask almost comical in the fluorescent lights. “Is everything alright?”

Sakura smiled thinly. “Yes, yes of course. Thank you.”

The ANBU said nothing else, stepping aside to let her pass. She felt his eyes on her all the way down the hallway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My mum saw the no. of reviews on my stories and was like, you should write a book
> 
> Mother. Mother. I am a gremlin with the emotional maturity of a five year old. How do you expect me to write a whole ass book when I can’t even remember what week it is at university?
> 
> Also. My most popular work is about dramatic god-llama creatures and a fucking magic mountain. Like.
> 
> I also gave you guys the wrong info last chapter. I said Minato was 23 years older than Sakura because she was 23 when she died, but that’s incorrect since there was a 2 year gap between Obito’s death and Minato’s. Minato is 24 in canon when he dies, but I think I said in the last chapter that he was 25.
> 
> Look, the point is, Minato is 25 years older than Sakura, so he would be 48, not 46.
> 
> Enjoy degenerates, I’ll see you all in hell.

Control

Sakura sighed heavily, rubbing her neck as she hefted the stack of charts upstairs. Technically, she was supposed to hand these off to the junior doctors, give them the experience in checking over patient files and making sure that dosages and follow ups were correct.

But after her disastrous confrontation with Minato she had thrown herself into work, hoping that it would distract her from everything that had happened.

It had, but she knew it was a stopgap, nothing more.

They couldn’t avoid each other forever, no matter how much she would like that.

“Good lord, Sakura!” The head nurse on shift laughed as Sakura walked by. “You’re not going to do all of those by yourself, are you? I thought you and your team were heading out for dinner tonight?”

Sakura paused and then remembered. It was Wednesday, so it was team dinner night, which meant scoffing down some of Mr. Teuchi’s delicious ramen while Naruto talked everyone’s ear off. She had tried, unsuccessfully, to try a new restaurant each week, but Naruto was adamant that it was ramen or nothing. “Oh- I completely forgot.”

Momo snorted. “You’re working too hard. You shouldn’t be slaving away over those files, girl! You’re young, go out, have some fun!”

Sakura rolled her eyes at the older woman. “Someone’s got to do them.”

“Yeah, that’s what the newbies are for!” Momo crowed as Sakura continued down the hall to her office. “You’re going to give yourself carpal tunnel!”

Sakura bumped into her office door with her hip, trying to get the handle down. She had half an hour before she was supposed to meet her team at Ichiraku, and she reasoned she could get a few done between now and then.

The stack of charts swayed, and she steadied it with her chin. The last time she had dropped the charts, Lady Tsunade had made her write them out by hand. you never know what information could get mixed up or lost when you scattered hundreds of pieces of paper around.

Tongue between her teeth, Sakura finally got the handle open and pushed the door open, backing inside gingerly.

“Need a hand?”

Sakura jumped when a warm hand touched her shoulder, and the stack of clipboards swayed.

Minato smiled at her, steadying it and her easily. “You couldn’t take more than one trip?” He chided, taking a few off the top of her pile.

Sakura stared in shock. She hadn’t noticed him in her office at all. She hadn’t realised she was so distracted that she would miss one of the most powerful men in the world. “Lord Hokage, I-”

Minato set the charts down on her desk, looking back at her with a tired, sad sort of smile. “Sakura, please.” He said quietly, almost pleading. “After everything I’ve-we’ve been through, you can’t call me Minato? We were teammates once.”

He looked so much like he did, back in her apartment. Expression open as he offered her a chance. It was the worst thing he could have done.

_“You kissed me.”_

_“I thought you were about to die!”_

_“That night-”_

_“Was a mistake. Nothing more.”_

“Minato.” She said carefully. The door felt heavy as she pressed it shut quietly. She sighed, moving over to put the rest of the charts on her desk, doing her best to avoid his intense blue eyes. “I’ll only call you that if you promise to look after yourself. _Kakashi-sensei_ is worried.” She said meaningfully, trying to keep things light.

Minato gave her a tight, drawn smile. “He’s in no place to talk.”

It was a quiet acquiesce to her request. “You look awful. Have you slept at all since the last time we-” Her voice faltered as his eyes slid to meet hers, stormy, “Since the last time we talked?” She said, voice weaker than she liked.

“It’s a little hard to sleep when my best friend and teammate is back from the dead.” He said, mild. His eyes darkened to a deep grey-blue that reminded her of the violent summer storms that hit Suna. “Gets harder when you factor in that she _lied_ to me about it for twenty plus years.”

Sakura took a deep breath to keep her composure. “I didn’t lie to you.”

“A lie of omission is still a lie, Sakura.”

Sakura tapped her fingers on her arm. She licked her lips. She could see where he was coming from. When she had found out about the Uchiha Massacre, and the fact that both Naruto and Kakashi-sensei had kept it from her for years, she had been so angry with them both, furious enough to demand that Lady Tsunade remove her from Team 7.

Sasuke was her teammate too. And they had kept the very reason for his rage a secret from her, in the misguided name of _protection_.

And she had told them that if they ever did it again, she would never speak to them again.

And then she had turned around and done the same thing to Minato. “I’m sorry.” She whispered, tears leaping to her eyes. She hated them because she shouldn’t be the one crying, knew that it would only make Minato comfort her and it should be the _other way around_.

Making it about herself, _again_.

“I’m so sorry, Minato.” She whispered, scrubbing her sleeve over her eyes harshly, the fabric of her lab coat painfully harsh. “I have no excuse other than I was a coward. I didn’t want to face it- you. I couldn’t. I thought if I pretended nothing happened that it would just go away.”

Minato did as he had always done, moving over to comfort her. He didn’t hug her, for which she was grateful, but he did wipe away her tears with soft thumbs. “Oh, Sakura.” He murmured, his own eyes growing wet. “You’ve been carrying this burden all alone, haven’t you?”

Sakura took a deep breath, chest shuddering. She had. Nearly forty years she had carried this burden, keeping her mouth closed, striving and working and pushing until things were set right and all the hurts that the future promised disappeared.

“It’s okay.” Minato murmured, crowding closer. The thumbs brushing away her tears turned into palms, tilting her head up. “You don’t need to carry it alone anymore, Sakura. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

She relaxed, almost basking in the feel of his skin on hers. Palms calloused, the same as they were when he was younger, and things weren’t so complicated. He smelled the same, and if it weren’t for the years on his shoulders, one might think no time had passed at all. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” She murmured. “Would you have believed me though?”

His smile was almost teasing. “You’re a mirror image.” He murmured. “I think I always knew.”

“I’m sorry.” She said, and she felt lighter. Carrying the burden as she had, for so long, it was a relief to finally share with someone. Death had never told her not to and she didn’t expect it would care so long as it got what it wanted. “I wanted to tell you, so many times, but… but then…”

“There would be questions.” He finished. His expression was almost achingly forgiving. “I understand. Sometimes… for a mission, we do things that are… unpleasant.”

Sakura thought about the kunai she had shoved through Madara’s skull. The groans of rock as she smashed the horrible, ugly statue meant to act as a conduit for the tailed beasts. The screams of Kaguya’s will personified as Sakura dug her fingers into its head and used her chakra to forcibly _purify_ it.

“But… I can’t stay angry at you…” Minato said, eyes falling half shut.

Sakura didn’t even try to stop him from kissing her.

As much as she loved Sasuke, she couldn’t deny that there had been a part of her, long ago when Minato had asked, that had seriously considered staying in the past. She knew he would make her happy, knew that she could love him almost as much as she loved Sasuke.

Minato’s chest rumbled with a happy hum, hands sliding from her face to cup her neck.

She shouldn’t. But she was tired of holding herself to all these impossible standards. Sometimes she just wanted things to be easy…

Minato pulled her close and she let him, winding her arms around his neck. The kiss deepened, not heated, but something deeper than that, almost desperate.

His hair was slightly lank, a sure sign he hadn’t been taking care of himself and Sakura’s heart hurt.

What had she done to this man?

Minato sighed against her hips, tilting his head. He pulled back, but only a hair. “God, I missed you so much.” He whispered. “So much. You have no idea how many nights I would dream about this, just being able to hold you again.”

They needed to stop.

But Sakura didn’t have the willpower to push him away when he pressed his lips against hers again.

She knew it was wrong. Knew that she was leading him on when there was no chance in hell they would ever be a couple.

Minato pulled her even closer, fingers raking through her hair at the nape of her neck. It made her shiver and she gasped when he swiped his tongue across her lips. He was solid and strong under her hands, just as muscular as he had been when he was a young man.

His hands and lips grew urgent, more heated.

Sakura’s back bumped into the door, hands tangling in his hair, still soft.

Minato’s hands slipped down her arms, brushing against her sides in a way that made her gasp and arch against him. “Fuck-” He growled against her mouth. “Fuck, do you know what you feel like?”

He lifted her up, pulling her legs around his waist. He was hard in his pants and Sakura couldn’t help the gasp, the slight tingle of pleasure that pooled in her stomach at knowing that.

Minato pressed even closer to her, like he was afraid she would melt through the door, pressing his hips against hers. His hands were everywhere, tangled in her hair, cupping her breast through her shirt. And his lips were hot and insistent, almost dizzyingly pleasurable as he kissed her.

Sakura gasped. She shouldn’t be doing this. She needed to stop this right now, before they both did something they would regret.

But hadn’t she dreamed about this, back when she was play acting as Hana? Just, pressing herself up against him and-

Sakura pulled her lips away from his, ready to protest, to push him away.

Minato didn’t seem to mind, trailing kisses that were too hot and intense down her neck.

The protest died on her lips when he sucked at the spot on her throat, the one just under her jaw.

“I would have slaughtered a thousand Iwa shinobi if it brought you back.” He murmured, nipping at the mark he had just left behind.

Sakura froze at his words.

“I killed all of the ones I could find.” He continued, apparently unaware of how awful his words were. His lips mapped out a trail down her throat. “I swept that forest clean, and when I ran out of the ones on the field, I found their medical camps.”

Sakura shoved him away, nearly tripping as he dropped her, elbow smacking against the door behind her.

Minato stumbled, catching himself on her desk before he could trip. His eyes flicked up to hers in shock and his lips parted in a way that was far too innocent, far too gullible.

He had to know.

He had to know how horrible his confession was.

“Hana-”

“Sakura!” Sakura gasped, elbows knocking against the door. “Sakura. _Sakura_. Sakura, my name is **_Sakura_**!” She repeated, for him or for her, she didn’t know. But she did know that she was Sakura. Had always been.

Minato straightened; hands out like she was a frightened animal. “Sakura- What’s wrong?”

“Did you hurt-” Sakura’s outrage and horror made her throat close around the words. “Minato, did you even hear yourself? What you just confessed to?”

His back straightened, eyes falling into a familiar face of _Hokage_. “I would do it again. I do. Every night, in my dreams.”

“What are you saying?” She whispered. “Minato… You killed injured shinobi. Medics. Even in war, there are rules, you can’t- you don’t-”

What had happened to the sweet, goofy man she remembered from her childhood? The one who abhorred war and the unnecessary death it brought with it? The one who promised to reform things, change things.

“They started it.”

Sakura sagged, the words hitting her like a blow. “They started it. _They started it_.” She gasped in disbelief. “They were injured! Dying! Those medics had oaths to uphold-”

“And I had mine.” He snapped. “They would have done the same had they got the chance. They already did. They killed you- you were a medic and they killed you!”

“I was a combat medic!” Sakura cried, hands fluttering. She didn’t know what to do. Looking at him, she only saw righteous fury. “I knew the risks! I knew what I was getting myself into! I agreed to it!”

“Well I didn’t!” Minato said harshly, eyes flashing with rage. “I didn’t agree to you dying.”

“It’s not about you!” She cried. “You killed unarmed non-combatants! Injured shinobi!”

Tears sprang to her eyes as she looked at him, looking for any hint that he was playing a joke on her.

“There are rules for war, conventions you just don’t break. You don’t kill medics, you don’t kill the injured, Minato. _You know this_.” Her voice cracked in the middle of her sentence and her voice nearly failed her.

“They would have done the same.”

“You don’t _know_ that!” She said, tears blurring her vision. “You killed innocent people-”

“Innocent?!” He spat. “None of them were innocent, Sakura. _None of them_. They were all complicit in your death. I found the orders from the Tsuchikage, ordering your head by any means necessary.”

“It was war!”

“ ** _He took you away from me!_** ” Minato roared.

Sakura recoiled at the absolute loss of composure. She didn’t recognise this man. He looked like Minato, talked like Minato, but the things he was saying were monstrous.

Minato’s eyes flashed with pain, piercing blue. “They took you away from me.” He repeated, voice cracking. “So I showed them what happens when you take something of mine. I left enough of his generals for him to find, so he would know _exactly_ what he had done.”

Sakura thought she was going to be sick.

“It was war.” He threw back at her.

“War. Not war crimes.” She spat, but her horror was ruined by the shake in her voice. She pressed her hands together, lacing her fingers together too tightly. “You committed war crimes, Minato. Slaughtered medics and injured shinobi.”

“I did it for you!”

Sakura’s heart dropped, stomach swooping. “I was dead! I told you, and told you and told you, Minato, that it was never going to work between us!” She yelled, at her wits end. She didn’t know how else to get it through to him.

His expression darkened into rage. He swept a hand out towards her desk. “ _Wouldn’t work?_ ” He hissed. “Then what the fuck was that, Ha-Sakura? _I know you_ , your dreams, your fears, you shared them with _me_ , not this… this… other person!”

“You only think you know those things!” Sakura hissed.

“I know every inch of you.” He continued, advancing towards her. “The spot behind your ear, the crease of your hip, under your ribs. I know you, Sakura. And you know me. It would work, if you would just let go of this person that keeps getting between us-”

“Doctor Haruno?” A muffled question came through the door, accompanied by a short, confident knock.

Kimiko.

They both froze at the interruption. The walls were soundproofed, they had to be. Sakura was the head of a hospital, and patient privacy was paramount, especially when her patients included the likes of the Hyuga and Uchiha.

Minato’s eyes bore into her, challenging her. Completely alien.

“Doctor Haruno?” Kimiko asked again, pleasant and completely oblivious to the heated argument. “Sasuke’s downstairs. He said you were late for dinner.”

“Dinner?” Minato breathed and his eyes are an accusation.

Sakura swallowed. Team 7 had dinner, that’s right. That’s what she was getting ready to go to when she had seen Minato in her office. “I… I need to go.” She said. She didn’t know what else to say. Minato was clearly unstable after her confession and subsequent rejection. “I… You shouldn’t come to see me again.”

She fled her office at the look on his face, abject pain and rage, a mixture that made him look every bit like the dangerous shinobi he was.

Sakura sprinted down the hallway, away from the horrible confession Minato had spoken, the feelings swirling around her mind. She didn’t know what to do, what to think. Minato had changed. She didn’t know him anymore.

She heard her nurses, friends, colleagues, calling out laughing goodbyes, but couldn’t find it in her to say goodbye.

She slammed into Sasuke in the lobby, nearly knocking him over.

“Sakura!” He snapped, catching her and steadying them both. He wasn’t annoyed but taken by surprise. “What the Hell?”

“Sorry, sorry- I… Lost track of time.” She babbled; aware she probably looks a sight as she ushers him towards the doors. She gave him a smile. “Dinner, right? I completely blanked, stupid me!” She said quickly, laughing a little as she smacks her forehead.

Sasuke’s expression morphs slightly, eyebrows lowering in concern. “You’re not stupid.” He said shortly. His eyes narrowed and he looked at her more closely. “Have you been crying?” He demands harshly.

Sakura swipes her eyes guiltily. “No! No, Sasuke it’s fine. I just got a bit upset. A… A patient.” A lie. But it’s better than Sasuke storming off in anger to find whoever it was that made her cry. He did it more often than not, especially when they were children and it had led to some angry tears from Ino more than once.

He pressed his lips together. He doesn’t say it, but the slight tilt to his head is enough.

“I’m fine for dinner.” She said with a smile. He never spoke much, but she had never needed him to, to understand him. “It’ll help talk my mind off things.” She reassured him, pressing a little closer to him, closer than maybe he would have let her before, but now there was something more between them.

Sasuke grunted, jaw tight but he didn’t say anything else. “Where are your things?” He asked, gesturing at her lack of coat and bag.

Sakura looked down. She hadn’t taken them with her in haste to get away from Minato and that horrible, oppressive atmosphere of her office. “I… I’ll come get them later.” She said. “It’s fine, we won’t be out too late.”

Sasuke’s frown deepened.

“It’s fine.” She said, tugging on his arm and surprisingly, he let her pull him towards the door. “ _I’m_ fine, I promise.”

Sasuke didn’t relax but he did stop digging his heels in.

She swallowed, the tension easing from her shoulders slightly. Sasuke was safe, and familiar, comforting. He was Sasuke. “I don’t know why we keep doing these dinners,” She said, the urge to talk filling her. She needed to forget what she had heard. “It’s not like we ever try anything new.” She joked as Sasuke pushed open the door.

Sasuke looked at her out of the corner of her eye. “There’s a new place.” He said stiffly. “It’s not ramen.”

Sakura felt her face heat up. She hadn’t pushed Sasuke for a relationship when she had gotten back from Suna, too busy dealing with Minato, and too afraid that she had been reading too much into it. “How did you convince Naruto to go somewhere else?”

The tips of his ears reddened ever so slightly and Sasuke just shrugged.

Despite her unease with Minato, the fear and confusion and all of it, Sakura smiled at Sasuke, touched. Kakashi-sensei didn’t give a damn as long as he didn’t have to pay, so it had to have been Sasuke’s doing. “Do they do tempura?” She asked.

Sasuke snorted, actually looking at her this time, a brief hint of his sardonic humour on his face. “Of course they do. I don’t want to listen to you and Naruto whining all night.” He said, rude to everyone’s ears but hers.

His hand brushed against hers, and it’s not an accident. Sasuke doesn’t let things happen by accident. He doesn’t pull away when she winds her pinky finger with his. “Thank you, Sasuke.” She murmured, brushing her hair behind her ear.

He made a low humming noise and laced their fingers together properly.

* * *

That was **_his_** smile.

Minato watched Sakura walk down the street, away from the hospital, hand in hand with the Uchiha boy. All the while, she looked up at her companion with a bright, beaming smile that belonged to Minato.

She only ever showed the outside world her careful, polite smile. Not insincere, but it was always guarded, just a little bit held back.

She had only ever smiled at Minato like that. The first time she had, after a training session with Jiraiya -the first one they had ever won-, Minato’s breath had been stolen from him. That had been the moment when he had promised himself he would anything to protect that smile, see it again.

Han- _Sakura_.

Sakura had only given him that smile occasionally. When they found each other after being separated on the field. When Yoshino and Shikaku announced they were dating. When Minato had brought her fresh tempura. The night they had slept together.

Minato swallowed, heart aching with yearning as he remembered the look Sakura had given him as they lay next to each other, all those years ago. Soft, loving, eyes bright, and lips curving just so, fingers pulling through his hair gently.

And now she was just _giving it away_ to the Uchiha boy.

He had suspected that it was Sasuke, the one Sakura had mentioned back in his office. It certainly wasn’t Naruto considering the fact that there had never been any indication of reciprocation on her part.

And he wasn’t stupid. He saw the way she looked at the Uchiha boy.

Still. To know he had been cast aside for someone younger…

Minato’s hand tightened around her old headband, the hard metal plate digging into his fingers and palm. The metal was old, partially rusted and weakened by twenty five years in the dirt.

It creaked in protest, but Minato couldn’t bring himself to care if it broke.

He didn’t need the scraps of mementos anymore. Didn’t need to cling to the one photo he had, the shirt she had left behind in his room that didn’t even smell like her anymore. He didn’t need them anymore, because the gods had seen fit to give him another chance.

And he would be damned if he let anything happen to Sakura.

“Lord Hokage.”

Minato turned.

Genma was standing by Sakura’s desk, mask in place and the picture of ANBU professionalism. There was, however, a slight air around him, something almost disapproving in his body language.

Minato had ensured that Genma was the only one to know about Sakura’s former identity as Miyou Hana. He hadn’t said a word to Itachi or Shisui, because if it was Sasuke that Sakura was in love with, then neither could be trusted.

A woman like Sakura, the best medic in the world, the most powerful Kunoichi in generations, accomplished and beautiful, the Uchiha clan would be more than happy to let her marry their heir.

“Danzo would like to speak to you.” Genma murmured, voice dropping into hatred.

Minato turned back to the window, but Sakura and Sasuke were already gone. “What does he want?”

“He didn’t say.” Genma said quietly. “But I suspect he’s somehow found out about Sakura.”

Minato felt a flare of rage and protectiveness. It was no secret that Danzo almost obsessively hated Sakura, if only because of her connection to Tsunade and the fact that she, and not one of his little puppet shinobi, had been chosen to lead the hospital.

“He’ll try to kill her if he knows she’s a weakness.” Genma warned. “Sir, let me-”

“No.” Minato said, spinning away from the window and tucking the headband into his pocket. It would stay with him in place of Sakura. “He’s still a member of the council and while we have no concrete proof of his treason, we cannot kill him.”

Genma hissed behind his mask, almost sounding like the reptile on his mask. “The evidence would be easy to plant.”

“Let’s see what he has to say first.” Minato cautioned. Genma was perhaps a better student than Kakashi, less prone to fits of depression and self-loathing. And he had learned the Flying Raijin at twelve, mastered it at seventeen, something even Kakashi hadn’t been able to do.

What’s more, he was _loyal_.

“Send a clone to keep an eye on Sakura.” Minato ordered. “And tell Shisui and Itachi they have the night off. I’ll arrange a meeting with Danzo.”

Genma murmured an agreement before vanishing.

Minato smiled at Sakura’s nurses as he left. She had done such a good job with the hospital, and under her and Tsunade, Konoha had become the pinnacle of medical research and care, unparalleled, around the world.

Most importantly of all, though, here, in the village, surrounded by the best shinobi in the world. The strongest shinobi clans in the world, she was also _safe_.

And he intended to keep it that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some literary parallels in here because I’m a lil bitch for that shit. I do it all the time and I’m surprised no one’s called me on how much I use it lmao.
> 
> Also, I watched Under the Red Hood and I have some feelings
> 
> First of all, I love Jason Todd now. I haven’t read any comics with him in it, and I literally only found out he wasn’t an edgelord left over from the 90’s like four days ago, but I love him, and I would literally die for him.
> 
> I am the epitome of bandwagon fangirl lmao.
> 
> Can only hope that we get to see him in the next season of Young Justice. Also, Wally. DC YOU HEAR ME I WANT WALLY AND ARTEMIS. IN LOVE. BEING CUTE. I ain’t care about Miss Martian and Superboy, I want my WALLY AND ARTEMIS.
> 
> Now that’s outta the way, I’m off to buy everything related to Jason Todd that I can find because I am shameless.

**Author's Note:**

> I am not finishing or updating this story. I cannot write something that glorifies abuse.
> 
> DO NOT ASK ME TO FINISH IT ANYMORE or I will take it down.


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